Obviously, Vanessa and I are road trip fansâ€”hence the name of our website. When we say every road is a story, we really mean itâ€”especially when that road is Germanyâ€™s autobahn.
Before our trip, we both assumed that the autobahn was a single highway in Germany. Turns out, the autobahn is the entire highway system throughout the country. (Maybe we should have done some research?) Chances are, if youâ€™re road-tripping through the country, youâ€™ll get a chance to try out your super speedy driving skills. If your co-pilot lets you.
Terri: The autobahn! This is going to be fun!
Vanessa: No talking, no shouting, no making any noise whatsoever. I have to pay attention.
Terri: You might need my help.
Vanessa: To go up in flames?
I managed to stay quiet for the first five minutes but then had to share the advice Iâ€™d heard from a German driver who probably figured that it was the last time heâ€™d see us. Until the funeral.
Terri: Stay in the right lane if youâ€™re going to drive like an old person. Get in the middle lane if youâ€™re going to drive like you normally do.Â And then scoot on over to the fast lane as least once. Otherwise, you donâ€™t get bragging rights.
I know Vanessa would have rolled her eyes at me, but she was intent on keeping them on the road. She handled the autobahn like a boss, including the fast lane. Which it turns out, is really, really fast. Like light-speed fast.
Vanessa: Dear god. That little dot of a car miles behind us got here in seconds!
Terri: Iâ€™ll remember that when itâ€™s my turn to drive.
Vanessa: Not happening.
Terri: I donâ€™t get to drive?
Vanessa: Not in this lifetime. Which would be considerably shortened when you started chatting and forgot you were in the fast lane. Like you do.
Terri:Â Thatâ€™s not fair.
Vanessa:Â Fine. Weâ€™ll pull off the road and Iâ€™ll get out. Then you can drive. Iâ€™ll wait.
Needless to say, I did not get to drive the autobahn that day. It took a return trip to Germany without Vanessa for me to get my chance, and obviously I lived to talk about it. Not sure about the other drivers, but at least Iâ€™ve got bragging rights!
Beyond the Autobahn
The autobahn isnâ€™t hard to navigate, you just have to remember which lane you belong in. The rest of the roads in Germany, however, were a bit more challenging. We figured this out while driving the Fairytale Route through the Black Forest, where the deep, dark forests and abundance of castles served as an inspiration for many of the beloved fairytales by the Brothers Grimm. Along the way, we visited the house of the Seven Dwarfs, slept in Sleeping Beautyâ€™s castle and even kissed a prince. What we should have probably done was walk through the woods instead of driveâ€”but we all know how that worked out for Hansel and Gretel.
Our first difficulty was the language barrier. Neither of us speaks a word of Germanâ€”except â€œprostâ€ because itâ€™s absolutely necessary to know how to say cheers in every language. Considering most road signs were devoid of words, this wasnâ€™t an issue; you just have to interpret the symbols, right?
We picked up the speed limit signs right awayâ€”itâ€™s a number (duh). If you canâ€™t figure that out, you should never leave the countryâ€¦or the house. When a speed zone ended, a sign appeared with a slash through the numberâ€”sort of like a no smoking sign for drivers. The only problem was that the speed limit signs only appeared occasionally; turns out youâ€™re expected to know the standard speed limits for country and city roads. We had no idea. Still donâ€™t.
Managing to avoid tickets by keeping pace with other drivers worked fairly well for us, though we did get a ticket emailed to usâ€”it was in German, so weâ€™re still not sure of the offense. All was going well until we entered Heidelberg. I was chatting as usual when this appearedâ€¦
Vanessa: What fresh hell is this?
Terri:Â I think it means that thereâ€™s a circle somewhere, and lanes around it.
Vanessa: Great. So thereâ€™s a massive carousel in the middle of the road? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
Terri: Close your eyes and pick a lane.
Iâ€™m not sure if she actually closed her eyes, but she picked a lane with no oncoming traffic and somehow, we survived. While I realize that Germans are very good at math and science, is it really necessary to use geometric symbols on road signs? Why not use words?
Oh, thatâ€™s right. Some people donâ€™t speak German.
Following Bertha Benz
Because weâ€™d so obviously mastered driving in the country, we decided that one of our road trip goals was to follow the Bertha Benz Memorial Route, which was the worldâ€™s first long-distance road trip. Married to the legendary Karl Benz, the automotive brain behind the worldâ€™s first patented automobile, Bertha was equally pioneering. Without informing her husband, in August 1888 she took her sons Richard, 14, and Eugen, 15, to drive the Patent Motorwagen No. 3 from Mannheim to visit her mother in Pforzheimâ€”a distance of about 65 miles. Her goal was to show her brilliant husband the way to properly market his invention to the public.
Along the way, the intrepid Bertha solved a myriad of problems. When a fuel pipe became clogged, she remedied the problem with a hatpin. And when she needed to insulate a wire, her garter served as the tool of choice.
Inspired by this innovative woman, Vanessa and I set out to follow her journey. We failed. Not because we had no hatpins or garters on hand for car repairs, but because, once again, we were at a loss when it came to signage. We lost the route within minutes of sighting the first memorial marker, only to spot it randomly as we wound our way through the countryside; it was like a huge game of German Whereâ€™s Waldo?
When we tried to stop for photos, we couldnâ€™t find legal parkingâ€”though we did find a number of what turned out to be one-way roads. While we were going the wrong way. Clearly, we were not in the same league as Bertha when it came to pioneering road trippersâ€¦which is pretty pathetic considering we actually had GPS, real fuel and smartphones. Maybe next time, we should take some brains.
If You Go:
Iâ€™m not sure we should advise anyone to drive in a foreign country, but we do it, so in good conscious, we have to give you a few tips before you follow in our wayward footsteps.
- KNOW BEFORE YOU GO! Look up the standard rules like speed limits and what the road signs actually mean before you leave home. The Internet is your friend.
- GPS is also your friendâ€”but only if it speaks to you in English. Make sure you have it set to a language you can actually understand. Also be prepared to exit on a dime; our GPS marked distance by saying â€œStay on this road a long timeâ€¦â€ only to suddenly tell us to exit without any warning. Not easy to do when youâ€™re flying on the autobahn, missy.
- Rental car companies may offer you a free upgrade to an SUV. Think twice, because there are some pretty tiny parking spots in parking garages throughout Europe. And gas is fairly expensive. Thereâ€™s a reason everyone drives compact cars. Also make sure to specify if you need an automatic; a lot of cars are still standards.
- Donâ€™t believe the time Google Maps says it will take you to get to a destination in Germany. Germans are much more comfortable driving at the speed of light on the autobahn than the inexperienced (aka us). We were late to every single place we went, and that was even driving at 120 mph. Seriously.
- Donâ€™t be cheap. If a country offers a paid pass to drive on the interstate, suck it up and pay the fee. This from the woman who didnâ€™t pay the fee in Switzerland and ended up lost in the dark alone for hours because my GPS didnâ€™t understand why I couldnâ€™t just get on the highway!